In 2014, revered comedian John Cleese said that the James Bond movies of recent memory eliminated all humor to please Asian markets who prefer watching action sequences. Nowhere has this been righter (or more wrong?) than 2017’s least-anticipated series renewal, xXx: Return of Xander Cage. Drowned with a generous helping of Asian action stars and locations, the third entry into 2002’s ridiculous action movie packs more adrenaline than three cases of Red Bull.
Director David Caruso may have forgotten that he needs a workable plot to make a movie great. Instead, xXx recycles overused stories from the ‘90s. It carries so little finesse that it can be summarized into a fortune cookie: “Xander and company hunt for Doomsday device amidst gunfire.” After writing him off in xXx 2, Xander Cage makes a return because, of course, only he can retrieve Pandora’s Box, a device that can cause any radio-controlled satellite to fall from the sky. Together with his own band of xXx mercenaries, he tracks down the Box to another gang of xXx, who eventually ally themselves with Xander to fight an even bigger baddie. Plot and character development is ultimately irrelevant as this skeleton of a story serves only to set the stage for over-the-top action scenes and “witty” one-liners.
One can’t fault Caruso for choosing the plotless route, though. For all its inanity, the plot is incredibly self-aware. It knows that it has a ridiculous plot and it doesn’t care. Similar to how Saints Row: The Third and Saints Row IV parodied their own GTA-induced game series, xXx 3 aims to parody the action genre. But it knows its market all too well. Instead of a well-parodied movie a la Shoot ‘Em Up, xXx 3 ends up being a ridiculous montage of action scene after action scene. Often, I’m confused if it wants to be a parody or if it’s just plain stupid. But who cares about plot when we want action?
A good chunk of the film is set in one of the beaches of the Philippines. This isn’t some oversight or randomizing by the writing crew. It knows exactly why it should be set in the Philippines. The ASEAN region is the only place it can safely peddle its adrenaline. Although the Chinese co-investment did have something to do with it, the Asian cast and subtle whisperings of Filipino in the movie is a marketing strategy. In fact, this isn’t a movie where Vin Diesel shines. Donnie Yen and Deepika Padukone easily outclass the American action star in both character depth and action.
Xander propels himself from a radio tower using only skis, BMX-es his way through a gunfight, has a rough shootout in a crashing airplane, survives fall from the stratosphere, and comes home in time to land the girl. That’s a series of action scenes that fit the Asian market to a T.
While xXx 3 is mindless to the point of mind-numbing, its action scenes are mind-blowing in their ridiculousness and stupidity. It doesn’t hold much cinematographic and moral fiber, but it’s an enjoyable movie for the right crowd and the right kind of Red-Bull-infused popcorn.
